In a marriage, infidelity isn’t just what happens when somebody begins a physical relationship outside of the marriage. Infidelity can also be emotional, when one of the partners in a marriage begins to share their life with someone outside the marriage.

This is known as emotional infidelity, and it has become an even more serious problem in the last few decades. One of the reasons for this is because workplaces, one of our prime social engagements in modern times, have become increasingly more mixed.

In addition to that it is even easier to communicate with people on the sly. Email and instant messaging and texting have all made it easier to bond with people that you shouldn’t be bonding with. While this isn’t the cause of emotional infidelity, it is a factor.

At the same time, physical infidelity has also become easier. We spend more time apart than we once did, and it is not at all uncommon to spend the majority of time at work, which gives us a very handy excuse when we make the decision to cheat in our marriage. Infidelity is a choice, make no mistake about that.

But the thing to remember is that all of these things are excuses and opportunities, not reasons. Changing the excuses won’t change the marriage, won’t solve anything. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome cheating in marriage. Infidelity is a big problem, but it is not an insurmountable one.

The very first thing you need to do is to figure out what went wrong in your marriage. Infidelity isn’t something that happens in a vacuum; there is always a reason when things like that happen. Something has broken in your relationship and it needs to be fixed in order to get past the cheating.

You need to make sure that you don’t blame the other person. Yes, they cheated on you. No, it wasn’t your fault. But you need to move past it, because playing the blame game will only delay the kind of emotional healing that needs to take place. You need to, as best you can, put it all behind you.

Once you’ve found out why and began work on it, you need to reestablish the trust in the marriage. Infidelity destroys trust, and it’s going to be difficult to repair what was been broken. You need to work on rebuilding the trust. Don’t expect it to happen right away, and don’t expect it to be easy.

But if you can follow these steps, you can save your marriage. Infidelity is terrible, but every relationship can be repaired. You just need to be willing to find the advice and the help you need to repair your relationship.

The following four tips will give you a good place to start.  Where you take it from here may be the difference between divorce and happily ever after.

1. Don’t argue

Of course your partner says things that drive you nuts, or make you grumpy, or that you just feel compelled to correct.  The simple answer is, don’t!  Choose your response carefully.  Learn to just let it go.

The first tip is to just stop arguing. Every time your partner says something that you want to get grumpy with or correct, just learn to let it go. By doing this you’re doing yourself and all of us a favor. When one person can learn to let things start rolling off her back, the other one will follow suit.

If your partner thinks that shirt is blue when it’s really an odd green, you may think in your head “it’s green!” but let it go. It is a simple choice between a happy, healthy relationship and being right.  If you want to save the marriage, this choice is simple.

2. Start Dating Again

No, you are not going to start seeing other people.  Do you remember what it was like when you were dating?  You may not want to keep up that level of effort all the time, but make a point of making that effort at times.

What is comfortable and routine to one person is boring and predictable to the other.  If you want to help save marriage, then make sure it isn’t as boring and predictable as it has been. Surprise your partner with a special date night (and make sure you can reschedule, just in case they can’t go).

3. Love YOur Partner As (S)he Wants

Love is not just an emotion, it is a verb.  It is something you do.  We all have things that make us happy.  Do what your spouse wants you to do.  Make him/her happy.  Be the spouse (s)he wants you to be.  Love your spouse as (s)he wants to be loved.

4. Give physical affection

Marriage is not all about sex, but physical affection is important to a healthy marriage.  And in this context, physical affection isn’t always sex.  Give your spouse a hug for no reason.  Kiss your spouse good night when you go to bed.

If you neglect the physical aspect of your relationship, you neglect the entire relationship.  Don’t let this very important aspect become the reason your marriage falls apart.

Work with these four tips to resurect a dying relationship and you will find that they can work wonders – as long as you follow all four.