Do you want to win love back? The first and most important step is allowing your ex some time to figure out what they want from the relationship. Tim and Rhonda learned this from Tim’s friend Joe.
Rhonda stormed out of Tim’s apartment one day saying she never wanted to see him again. Tim was stunned. All he could think about was how to win her love back.
He called his buddy Joe and asked what he should do. Should he send flowers or candy?
“No, don’t send her anything,” Joe said. “And don’t call, email, or text her either.”
Tim was stunned by this advice. He wanted to win love back right away before Rhonda had a chance to look around and find someone better.
But Joe told him that giving Rhonda the space to look around was just what she needed. There was a small chance that she would go forever, it was more likely that she would settle down and come back to him. She must come to the conclusion that their relationship was special on her own.
Further, Joe advised, it would be bad if Tim looked too desperate. This would give Rhonda the upper hand in many ways. It would lead to further grand gestures in the future. If he wanted to get the relationship back on track, Tim needed to give Rhonda space.
Tim and Rhonda both had a lot invested in the relationship. They had been together 18 months and had even talked about marriage. Surely you can understand why it was such a blow to Tim when Rhonda walked out.
But Tim took Joe’s advice, as difficult as it was, and waited for Rhonda to call. It took her four days, but she finally contacted him.
The first thing she wanted to know was “why didn’t you call me?” He told her matter-of-factly, “I was waiting for you to call. I knew you needed space.”
He was right, and she knew it. Rather than getting upset, she actually appreciated the fact that he hadn’t called.
As they talked about where their relationship had been and how to get it back on track, they discovered that one of the problems was that they had been crowding one another. The thought of getting married had been suffocating.
So, they decided to back off. They would still see each other exclusively, but they would make more time for friends and solo activities. They wouldn’t talk about marriage again for six months.
Tim restrained himself from pursuing Rhonda when she needed space. This allowed her to reevaluate her relationship with him on her own terms.
She initially thought that he would call her all the time. She was actually surprised that he didn’t. But, because he refrained from contacting her, she was able to see what her life was like without him in it. And she realized just how much she missed him.
So, if you’re determined to win love back, keep in mind that sometimes it is best to give your partner a little space to figure things out.
